So I was ready to go to bed, then I hear my mom having a phone convo downstairs.. Being the paranoid person that I am, I decided to stand by my door to listen (yus, sound does carry up that far, quite clearly). My mom had a 20-30 minute phone conversation talking negatively about me. That, coming from my mom wasn't too surprising since I have a pretty shaky relationship with my parents. But that, coming from my brother, was what shocked me.

A few days ago I had a phone convo with my brother, and he was telling me how to do things, to support me...something a caring sibling would do. Then earlier today with the phone call between my mom and bro, instead of the convo stopping after a few sentences as I expected since I thought he would live up to that advice he gave me, it continued on for 20+ minutes.

Guess who just earned himself a spot on my hate list? 8'D Oh yah, he's not going to see any amicable attitude from me any time soon.

Right now I'm so livid that I can feel the blood pumping with each heart beat, to my head. My head also feels fuzzy. Mmm--yah..pulsating marshmallows...that's what it feels like.

It was a great way for ripping out my motivation to do my work. If my mom was aiming to nail me in some way intentionally, she succeeded.

But I'm sure you've experienced this too, with someone talking behind your back and then feeling angry about it after listening in on the conversation.

They're awesome >u<. ...*A* *loves cutting things with them* No joke..I'm addicted x'D. *wastes paper from all the cutting* *u*. Beautiful cookies and gingerbread men and and and..[/crazy]

So I got my password for the site today and it seems like everything is normal in my blood. But the thing that tells you if your liver is damaged seems to be a bit high. It's only 1 point lower than the max, but that still worries me a bit. So I'll be trying to go on a healthier diet eAe...*will miss the soda* ;0;. The soda kills! @A@. But now I wonder why they want me to schedule an appointment if I'm healthy O_o



On another note. The first site is a 'no go'. It pretty much comes down to the "pixel art is improving, but not quite there yet" and "there may be no need for design artists". So I felt I would probably be a thorn in their side, and other negative feelings towards how much I would hurt the team. I actually did like the comment about the 'improvements', which was what I was aiming for since I've been constantly switching methods on the pixel art process, with each one carrying different results...even though it wasn't quite there yet (improvements, yay! >u< That's a good sign <3). But she did say, in the nicest way possible I believe, that the answer is 'no'. So I was thankful that she didn't end up yelling at me. So I just stopped pursuing that site rather than continuing to press it on.

The second site, the person was actually willing to accept me as part of the team right after I showed her the examples, and that truly made me happy and excited. But I didn't have the samples they were looking for as far as pixel art goes since they're looking for hard pixels like roliana and mene, not the soft blended ones like gaia and solia that I had examples of. I honestly disliked the hard pixels on avi sites ever since mene...mostly because their avi bases made me want to gag and a lot of hard pixel avi sites seem to follow suit with the horrible bases (like they can't get their heads out of the box)...but recently I went around to see what doll editors were doing and I found a really epic looking one that made me drool *u* (gawd, drooling for pixels lolol x'D). All in all, I'll try joining them as a design artist, and if possible work up some examples of the types of pixel art after they've gotten the bases down (and I think I may even work on the bases <3 ---and thus would be the advantage of being the first pixel artist on the site eue).

I've tried to apply as a pixel artist on one of the avatar sites. So I've been doing pixel art on their bases. Every day my hopes wane as there is no more signs of any interest in accepting me. I am suspecting it's because one of the admins is out of town and they need a consensus. It could be some other reasons...

So, I did a google search and lo and behold there is someone on DA looking for pixel artists <3. I am waiting on the current site to see if they want me in or not, but on the other hand I've been impressed with some of the site design work on the one person's DA account. So if my application fails on one site, I could clean up my portfolio and try again with another group <3.

Yesterday I went in to take a blood test, so they pulled some blood out. Then earlier today I got a phone call but I didn't answer since I wasn't familiar with the phone number. However, I checked the voicemail a few minutes ago and apparently they want me to schedule another appointment. The person who left the message sounded very grim about it. I got queasy at that point and felt drained.

So I went to check the website to see how the results ended up, but my password expired so I have to wait 3-7 days for the new password to arrive.

I really want to know what the problem is before talking to anyone. But...this does scare me. If it's something serious that I'll die from, it's fine. But what I fear is how my parents will react to it, cuz most likely they're going to try to make me feel worse about it as if it's my fault for having whatever health issue I have.